Since the Fourth of July is coming up, all of the local news stations feel the obligation to inform all of us idiots that we shouldn’t handle fireworks.  “Leave it to the experts,” they say as they’re showing footage of test dummies having their hands blown off by “fireworks” (it makes me think these tests are rigged for effect, given the pansy-ass little firecrackers they sell these days).  Our local ABC affiliate devoted nearly 5 minutes to this topic this morning, including an interview with a local ER doctor who told everyone what to do when injured by fireworks.

Of course this is typical of the addlepated “advice” that these on-airheads spew at us for “our own good.”  Quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of the sanctimonious condescending attitude of these bastards.  If we had listened to these safety ninnies in the past, this country would have never gotten off the ground.

Anyhow, I’ve been handling fireworks since I was a little kid and I’m not about to stop now.  I’m going to my mother’s place this weekend, where there’s room to shoot off fireworks.  I’m going to go buy one of those big artillery pieces and use it just to piss off the safety nazis.  Screm ‘em and the airbag-equipped horse they rode in on.