The Book Of NASCAR

I usually try to get to the store early enough on Sunday to beat the church crowd before they overrun the place. I also try to avoid them because they seem to drive like maniacs. I got out too late today, leaving right around noon, which means that some of the local churches were just getting out. These people will pull out in front of you, dart across the road, speed up to get in front of you and then turn right (without signalling), and a whole host of sundry other traffic offenses. There are three big churches that I have to pass by on the way to the store, and they're all located within a block of each other. It's like running a gauntlet in that area.

What I'd like to know is just what the preachers are telling these people before they leave? I can hear it now, "Ladies and gentlemen, please open to the book of NASCAR....".