The Star-Telegram article above the one in my last post was about a teenager who has a bullet in his head that was fired by the owner of a business he was attempting to rob.  The DA’s office had been trying to get it removed for ballistic comparisons to prove that he was present at the robbery.  After lots of legal wrangling they’ve given up and decided they have enough other evidence to try him. 

Anyhow, for some reason the headline they used amused me:

Teen suspect can keep bullet in head

Here ya’ go kid.  Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Yes, I have a morbid sense of humor.  Why do you ask?

I just got an email about a system that was experiencing a “high CPU condition.”  After my double-speak filter kicked in I realized they meant that the system was overloaded, but I have to admit that my first thought was of a computer system toking up with a cloud of smoke surrounding it. 

Duuuude…. like there’s a system error or something….

My brain works in strange ways.

“I’m Bill Clinton, and I’m reporting for booty!”

I knew there was a good reason I used to call him the “Commander In Briefs”.

One of my coworkers sent me this joke today.

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.  Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!”

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he’s in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.

“No, what?” replied the guy. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it!” said the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first.”