Free Fire Zone
February 16, 2007
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Posted by Aubrey Turner
I heard about this story on the radio this morning.
The Academy of the Sacred Heart in New Orleans is expecting a stream of contributions during Mardi Gras.
The Catholic school has a bank of porta-potties for revelers seeking relief.
A one-time trip costs a buck and an all-day pass is five dollars.
Of course they couldn’t resist a few jokes (i.e. “a stream of contributions”), but this part at the end caught my attention:
While New Orleans maybe long on Mardi Gras fun, it’s short on places for a pit stop.
Author Julie Smith and her husband Lee own a house in the French Quarter. She says the locals know to tape up their mail slots during Mardi Gras, which runs through Tuesday. (Emphasis added)
Holy cow! I know people can get desperate, but that’s just way beyond any sort of civilized behavior.
Instead of taping up my mail slot, I’d probably sit inside with a pellet pistol and give these miscreants something to think about the next day.
Or, if I wanted to be especially cruel, a water gun loaded with habanero juice. 
Categories: What the heck?
An electric fence wire strung across the opening lengthwise would do the trick, I think.
Or, you could go directly to the source of the problem with some large, tight-fitting corks and a mallet.
A quirt would be my weapon of choice. Then I’d go out onto the porch and finish up the job with a baseball bat.
Or a razor sharp long knife, perhaps a serrated bread knife. Do the Lorena. Bobbit, that is.